You ever have one of those days, where you wake up and your brain has already contemplated the world without asking you too? You realise that your dreams weren't really dreams, but you thinking about your life while you slept. Today was like that. I woke, and realised I had been thinking about life. Lots of stuff that I hadn't thought about over the past few months came into my head and I just spent some time thinking about it.
The first thing I thought about was that it will be my brother John's anniversary of his death soon. It's weird, because I think about him a lot. If he would be proud to have me as his brother, given everything that I am. Then I wonder what my other brothers think about me and I get a little saddened. I hope someday that all of my brothers and I will have the kind of relationship I wanted to have with them and John. *sigh* I Love You John. Say hi to Papa, and great Grandpa.
The next thing that I found myself thinking about while taking a shower, was what it means to be a man. I mean, where is the check sheet for man-hood. As I began to dry off and think about that more. I realised my situation in life. I had set my standard of manhood based on what I believed my Father to be. Which was a little weird because as I thought more and more about it, and I started to wonder why I didn't consider myself a man. I mean, most of the things I considered him to be, I was seeing in myself. The only things I didn't have where the Wife and Kids.
Yet, as those thoughts flooded my head, and I spent considerable effort to shove them out of the way while I shaved. I had to stop midway through applying cold water to my thousands of mini cuts and think, "Am I A Man?". Weird. Hmm. I....I guess I am a man. I'm an adult. With his own idea's, morals and plans for life. After that, I just started to wonder what the rest of my life is going to be like now that I have realised this.
Then, something popped into my head that I had to stop and think about. Someone recently called me an "Intellectual" and my first reaction was, "Nah. I'm not that smart." Which, after I thought about. I had no idea what the word Intellectual really means. So I Looked it up and this is what I came up.
"An intellectual is one who tries to use his or her intellect
to work, study, reflect, speculate, or ask and answer questions about a wide variety of different ideas
*looks at up at text and realizes*
I Think to much.-steve
Labels: Pre 2013