So, there is a book called "Wild at Heart" and I've seen it a few times in my life just sitting on a shelf or at the church. Supposedly its a story about being a Man and why God has made us to have the desires we do.

Well, Here in Kosovo, I'm in charge of the MWR room and the Library that I'm trying to get built and this book has come across me 2 times now. The first time I saw it was in a package another friend had gotten. I neatly put it on my shelf and logged it away in my brain and forgot about it. The second time, was yesterday while I was organizing some books in the library, when it again appeared in a stack of books.

The third time was today when I went into the library to grab a book to read while I went to the bathroom. (A habit I picked up from my father which usually leads me to taking long bathroom breaks)

Well, upon not seeing the book I desired, I turned to leave and had this nagging feeling like I should grab "Wild at heart" and read it. So, I walked out of the room, leaving the book behind and went back to my desk. Only to realise I had a copy on the top shelf of my desk stacked neatly with a few other books. So, I grabbed the book and went to the bathroom.

Three pages into the book, I wanted to hit myself.

Let me tell you what I read, "it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end of the triumph oh high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat"
-Teddy Roosevelt

That's the opening first page.

It may not seem like alot to you, but it instantly became everything I have been trying for in my life and I almost cried on the toilet. I know, lame huh?

One of those sick moments when a wave of realization hits and you want to scream with how stupid you have been; or just as easily blind.

All my life, I have wanted and screamed for the chance to be a warrior. To fight those great fights and to come against odds insurmountable enough to make any sane man run. To know if I have the will within me to stand to a challenge like that.

To be a warrior of God and David, to have charged toward my foe, sword and shield in hand. Screaming out the last ounces of breath as I try to steady myself for either my death or a victory.

I read Fantasy books to escape my reality. I play fantasy games, and wish I was my character. I play dungeons and dragons now and wish that I was the character I was playing.

My life is a whirling storm of me trying desperately to fulfill that desire to be a warrior, and even though I'm in the army. I feel cheated..

*sigh* Today, is prolly going to be severely disappointing.

-steve

Labels: Pre 2013